Heart-2-Heart #016

Self Sabotage

Part #2 - What's Stopping You?

Friend of the Heart!

Two weeks ago I wrote to you about self sabotage (part #1 - the ultimate mind game). I ended that article with:

"Would you believe I have hardly enough money to feed the kids, yet 250 orders for my book and I still haven't got my invoices ready? Talk about setting your priorities straight! But I'm afraid to ask for the money. I had encountered a situation beyond my heart..."

To refresh your memory, visit: Heart-2-Heart Issue # 15 - Self Sabotage Part 1

Well, I'm feeling pretty proud about the fact I managed to actually send out all the invoices! It's very rewarding as money is coming back to my account, I've been busy sending out the first books AND getting overwhelmingly positive responses. Wow! All of this despite the fact I've thought up at least a dozen interesting new projects to embark on...

That's why it also took me two weeks to write the sequal to this article. I just had to keep my focus very narrow. But here you go!

What do you really want to be doing?

You know the earth circles its axis every 24 hours, right? And you also know the planet circles the sun in 365 days. It has been this way as long as you can remember and it will stay this way long after you die.

What you don't know is how long you'll be walking the face of this earth. It could be 50 years, 20 years, one year, one day - one hour even. Just suppose for a moment you know that all the time which is left for you is one year. Exactly 365 days.

Now take a piece of paper and a pen and write down what you want to accomplish for the rest of your life if you only have 365 days left to do so. Here's some music to help you focus:

^{(Turn up your speakers!)}

Okay, now go over your list and number your goals for the coming year in sequence of priority.

Then write behind each of your goals how many hours a day, a week or a month you're currently spending to accomplish this goal.

So..... WHAT'S STOPPING YOU?!

The 4 Components of Self Sabotage

“Basically, if you have not accomplished everything in life that you set out to do, then self sabotage is probably to blame.”

I went pretty deep about what was stopping me from making the final step of getting my book published. Now let's have a look at what might be stopping you! Self sabotage consists of four primary components:

Negative Self-Statements

"It's too big - I'll never finish it."
"I have no credibility. I'm not an expert."
"What if I fail - how will I face everyone?"
"What if I succeed - then what will I do?"
"Nobody will want what I have to offer."

Do you feel the fear which is lurking below these lines? Every single one of them is not sounding very encouraging to continue whatever you had set your mind to before.

Avoidance and Procrastination Behaviors

Simply not doing what you feel you should be doing.
Not being able to manage or prioritize your time.

Procrastination is a type of avoidance. By not doing what you should be doing, you're avoiding the fears which are triggered if you did. So it seems a successful strategy at first. However, your fears will increase because of it. Because you're not allowing yourself to experience the fact that your fears are an illusion. More on that later...

Difficulty Focusing and Filtering out Distractions

You're distracted by internal negative self-statements and fear.
You have children, friends, a job, a spouse and all are wanting your attention and you haven't found a way yet to structure distraction-free conditions.
You're not doing something you're truly passionate about.

Focusing your attention like a laser beam on a target is a key to success. Scattering your attention onto various tasks, projects, and a situation is a road to self-sabotage.

Decreased Self-Motivation

You have not learned how to motivate yourself.
You are in the habit of relying on outside motivation factors.
Your fears, self-doubts and concerns sap your motivation.
You are using the wrong factors to try to motivate yourself.

Self-motivation is taught to us at a very young age. The way in which we were raised and the feedback we receive from our environment help us to learn how to become motivated. When we receive little positive feedback about our accomplishments, we can be taught that our achievements are not important.

Identifying Your Red Flags

Now whenever you're sabotaging yourself, it's very likely that you're not really conscious about this. Your mind has come up with some good excuses about not needing to accomplish your goals and since you'd rather not feel the fears which triggered this reasoning, you'll just go about sabotaging yourself with a slight feeling of discomfort running in the background.

So the first step to end self sabotage is to become aware of the fact you're actually doing this! Catch 22? Do a little reality check!

Take the first goal from your list which isn't materializing and write it down on a new piece of paper. Why isn't it happening? What's your problem with getting your goal accomplished? Then ask yourself:

Which fears does it trigger?
How does my mind avoid these fears?
What's my self sabotage focus?
What's my self sabotage motivation?

Here are some illustrative examples from the book "What's stopping you?" by Joe Vitale and Larina Kase. Now their book is geared towards eBook authors, so these example are about writing books.

Goal: To write a book.

Problem: "I can't get started."

Fear: "Who would pay money for what I have to say?"
Avoidance: "I'm not an expert", "I have no credibility, no list."
Focus: "I can't settle on a topic".
Motivation: "Everyone thinks I'm wasting my time".

Problem: "I can't finish this thing."

Fear: "I will fail."
Avoidance: "It doesn't have to be done."
Focus: "I keep getting distracted".
Motivation: "I should make it perfect".

Problem: "I can't market this book."

Fear: "I'm not good at marketing."
Avoidance: "I can't afford to market this book."
Focus: "I don't have a marketing strategy".
Motivation: "You need to be a marketing guru to sell books".

Can you see how the four key factors of self sabotage present you with a water tight excuse not to do what you set out to do? Of course a lot more can be said about these examples, but you get the general picture, right?

Now take a look at what your own mind is telling you about how to go about your goals. And take a look at repeating pattern, because those are your red flags!

--------> to be continued.

I managed to finish my book and have it printed. My next challenge will be to market my book. I promised my coach to deliver a marketing plan this week and I can tell you: that last example all rings true to me! The next issue will address solutions to help you overcome self sabotage.

Happiness to you!

Patricia Ritsema van Eck
www.my-happy-heart.com

P.S.
My self sabotage went as far as subconsciously putting the wrong links on my websites to the only few products which were supposed to make me some money. Like the links to order my book "My Happy Heart" with pre-sales discount. No orders coming in? Go figure!

P.P.S.
Those links are working now!!

Links for this Issue

1500 Books Arrive!

If you want to see more of what that looks like, be my guest! The truck driver was having a good laugh about me pottering through the snow mash taking pictures. "It's probably your first book?" I could only reply with the happiest grin...

Self Sabotage Part #1
- The Ultimate Mind Game.

My Happy Heart... - already taking pre-sales orders (with discount!) for the English translation.

Happy Heart RSS

You can now add the Happy Heart RSS feed to either your RSS reader or My Yahoo! This will notify you about:

new issues of Heart-2-Heart which have gone live
new pages which have been added to this website
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any other crazy deal you would want to know about...

No more checking your bookmarks for updates. Now your favorite sites comes to you!

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If you haven't ventured down the RSS road yet, let me reassure you it is really dead simple. All you need is a reader to copy these links to. Feeling adventurous? Click:

What the bleep... is RSS?

Updates

Heart Poetry Writer

Does anybody care to give me some feedback on this program? You've been too silent. You do understand it's a free download! Are you keeping your mouth shut as to not hurt my feelings? Or are you firmly avoiding distractions to get your projects done? If the latter I guess I shouldn't argue with you. If not - tell me! I want to know!!

Heart Recommendations

What's Stopping You?
How to End Self Sabotage
(for aspiring eBook authors).

If you really need to find out in-depth information on this topic, check out the new eBook by Joe Vitale and Larina Kase.

For me each page is a revelation. I'm merely hinting at the top of the iceberg in these week's newsletters.

So if self sabotage is bugging you - even if you're not writing eBooks - it's well worth a look. (Third book on the page.) What's stopping you?!

What's Stopping You?

Confidential Internet Intelligence Manuscript Vol. II by Mark Joyner

What does Internet Intelligence got to do with a Happy Heart? Lots actually - at least it does in this manuscript.

Mark Joyner, a very successful internet marketer you may have heard of, recently wrote the sequel to his best-selling Confidential Internet intelligence Manuscript. His first volume is very much about how to draw attention on-line and through emails with your headlines. It's quite technical and as such rather specialized reading.

His sequel however, which came out Friday March 18th, is totally different. This is about starting and running a successful business on-line. It's concise, very much to the point and it includes two key chapters which are all about bringing heart into your business.

The first is a 'gut check' - it takes you through all possible reasons your mind can come up with for starting a business and questioning your inner motivation. Basically you shouldn't start a business if you're not passionate about it. And passion isn't something your mind is capable off - it resides in your heart. Start a business for mere logical reasons and you're bound to experience stress in a very short period of time. Logic just doesn't provide you with the energy to go the extra mile.

The second is a 'focus check' - which has all to do with successfully defeating your self sabotage mechanisms! Laser target focus is the key to success, remember? This chapter provides you with the right questions to ask yourself and explains how your answers will keep your focus straight.

The Confidential Internet Intelligence Manuscript has a title suggesting it's for on-ine business only. I've read the book myself and find that it's just as applicable to off-line businesses. It will only be available until March 31st, so if you run a business or contemplating on starting one, I highly recommend you check it out for yourself!

Confidential Internet Intelligence Manuscript Vol. II

Heart-2-Heart

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